Be true to who?

Shakespeare said “To thine own self be true.”
Last night we went with our motorcycle friends on long, leisurely, calm, dry ride to dinner.  Now flip what I just described 180 degrees and you will know what the trip home was like. It was none of the above.  I jumped off the bike and headed straight to a HOT shower!   Let me just say my own true self came through.  I was definitely exercising my spirit of fear on the back of that motorcycle.  Standing in the shower letting the water cascade over me I realized I had not prayed during those treacherous minutes when I was gripped by panic.  What happened there?  I know 2 Timothy 1:7 by heart “For the Spirit God gave us does give us a spirit of fear, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. “ I could have prayed instead of being true to my own self.

It was already 10:00 and I should have been in bed by then.  You know how Ben Franklin admonishes us with his, Early to bed, early to rise philosophy. “I still had to rewrite my resume and apply for a job I heard about yesterday.  My own self told me to wait till morning and dash through it, but the other side of my own self told me to pray about it first and then get started.  I learned my lesson on the back of that bike when I was paralyzed with fear.  I should have prayed.  So I prayed about it and dove in.  Finally at 1:00, I was done and off to the land of sleep.

It’s morning! My allergies are giving me fits or I’ve got a cold trying to burrow down and take root in my immune system.  “To thine own self be true. “  You see, Shakespeare, that’s not going to work for me here.  My own self says to have a pity party.  But you know what’s wrong with pity parties?  Nobody wants to go.  Instead, I didn’t exactly bound out of bed, but I did a little bounce to get started.  I could have peeked out from under the blanket and tested the emotional atmosphere to see if it was safe to venture out. I could have mumbled something like “Good Lord, it’s morning!” But “Good morning, Lord!” has a much better ring to it.

I’m sure Shakespeare’s intended “To thine own self be true.” was not meant to be derogatory in anyway; however, I know that my own true self can be.  I don’t want to be fearful, I don’t want to be a procrastinator, I don’t want to be a person who gripes her way through the day because of rain that pelts against me and winds that come at me with monsoon force at times.  Instead, I want to be able to say what David says in Psalm 130:5 “I pray to God—my life a prayer— and wait for what he’ll say and do. My life’s on the line before God, my Lord, waiting and watching till morning, waiting and watching till morning.” Life is tough; pray hard.  I have a choice.

 

 

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